9:10 pm
Home from Atlanta after gathering for Elaine's memorial service
"Go airplane, Go!" Cici giggles. She is almost two, sitting next to me on her mother's lap on the plane. We are strangers but I feel as if we have met before. She delights in opening and shutting the window shade, marveling at the sky and pointing to the clouds, repeating words over and over again to herself. "Cloud, wing, go airplane, go." She smiles. She grabs my hand and her mother shoots me an apologetic look, but I don't mind. "Care," she calls me, "Care, look! Please! Thank You! Sky!" She smiles shyly and drops my hand, moving on to her next adventure.
------
Today I said goodbye to someone who left too soon, and hello to someone who has just arrived. I left one family and said hello to another family. I flew through the sky that covers us all, no matter where we are.
Elaine had time to dictate her life to her loved ones and preserve it in a journal. I read her thoughts today, and among the many words and phrases that stuck out, one set of suggestions caught my eye. "Pay attention and love life," she wrote. Pay attention. Love life.
I write this wearing her worn-in purple fleece, an item I think I remember her wearing. She wanted each of us to have a part of her, to carry with us as we travel and explore and attempt to bring as much spirit and joy to the world as she did. The fleece reminds me of a fleece my grandfather owned, a turquoise patagonia (Jenni, this clothes stuff is more on your turf, perhaps I will let you take it from here). We have several wonderful shots of him standing in the park wearing his green fleece and waving, to whom I not sure. He looks away from the camera but his smile is wide, full of love, his eyes shining. He looks like he is paying attention. He looks ready for anything.
When I said goodbye to mom and dad and Jess in the airport, it felt different. I felt like an adult as I clutched my own plane ticket and watched their threesome melt away. I guess it's that time, to get older, to fly.
But for now I'm just going to try and remember the look on Cicis face as she watched the sky. I'm going to pay attention and love life. Just as Elaine would have wanted.
"Days," Billy Collins.
Each one is a gift, no doubt,
mysteriously placed in your waking hand
or set upon your forehead
moments before you open your eyes.
Today begins cold and bright,
the ground heavy with snow
and the thick masonry of ice,
the sun glinting off the turrets of clouds.
Through the calm eye of the window
everything is in its place
but so precariously
this day might be resting somehow
on the one before it,
all the days of the past stacked high
like the impossible tower of dishes
entertainers used to build on stage.
No wonder you find yourself
perched on the top of a tall ladder
hoping to add one more.
Just another Wednesday,
you whisper,
then holding your breath,
place this cup on yesterday's saucer
without the slightest clink.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Up Next...
Hi Blog!
This weekend has been super super busy but great. Yesterday we got our communities, so now I know where I'll be visiting this year! Here's the lineup:
- Auburn, Alabama. Temple Beth Shalom (Reform)
- Hot Springs, Arkansas. Congregation House of Israel (Reform)
- Macon, Georgia. Congregation Sha'arey Israel (Conservative)
- Hattiesburg, MS. Temple B'nai Israel (Reform)
- Tulsa, OK (so I fly there). Temple Israel (Reform)
-Waco, Texas. Congregation Agudath Jacob (Conservative)
So that is so exciting!! We start our visits at the end of July and will be traveling most of August. Our visits in the summer are also with a second year Fellow and often combined with other communities as well, so I'll really be traveling throughout Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Oklahoma, Louisiana, and Texas! Goodness!
I did a bunch of driving this week which was also excellent, and tonight we are going Contra Dancing at The Commons, the birthplace of Eudora Welty (http://www.jacksonfreepress.com/jfp.php/events/entry/37918), the facebook description is much more entertaining.
Tomorrow I will regretfully miss Rob's big birthday and Lauren / Emily's visitors because I am off to Atlanta to attend a Memorial Service. I'm sure it will be nice to see my family and be together, and then I'll be back in action Sunday night.
Ross, I want to wish you a Happy 22nd publicly on my blog, and I'll call at some point to make sure the festivities are progressing accordingly. Please give Saratoga hugs for me, guys. And also give each other hugs. For some reason all I can think about is going to the Hilton on Alumni Night and almost falling asleep. I don't really want that to be my lasting college memory, so I'll try to think about mustaches or Fun Day or themed birthday parties or dairy haus or Romas or something like that. Tell me if I'm missing something I should think about as long as it's not that dodgeball night where I wore those gold leggings because I never really want to remember that. Moorebid? I'd rather not think about those either. X, do any of you read this? For the record, nothing happened. That joke will one day not be funny, I guarantee it.
LOVE,
Claire
This weekend has been super super busy but great. Yesterday we got our communities, so now I know where I'll be visiting this year! Here's the lineup:
- Auburn, Alabama. Temple Beth Shalom (Reform)
- Hot Springs, Arkansas. Congregation House of Israel (Reform)
- Macon, Georgia. Congregation Sha'arey Israel (Conservative)
- Hattiesburg, MS. Temple B'nai Israel (Reform)
- Tulsa, OK (so I fly there). Temple Israel (Reform)
-Waco, Texas. Congregation Agudath Jacob (Conservative)
So that is so exciting!! We start our visits at the end of July and will be traveling most of August. Our visits in the summer are also with a second year Fellow and often combined with other communities as well, so I'll really be traveling throughout Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Oklahoma, Louisiana, and Texas! Goodness!
I did a bunch of driving this week which was also excellent, and tonight we are going Contra Dancing at The Commons, the birthplace of Eudora Welty (http://www.jacksonfreepress.com/jfp.php/events/entry/37918), the facebook description is much more entertaining.
Tomorrow I will regretfully miss Rob's big birthday and Lauren / Emily's visitors because I am off to Atlanta to attend a Memorial Service. I'm sure it will be nice to see my family and be together, and then I'll be back in action Sunday night.
Ross, I want to wish you a Happy 22nd publicly on my blog, and I'll call at some point to make sure the festivities are progressing accordingly. Please give Saratoga hugs for me, guys. And also give each other hugs. For some reason all I can think about is going to the Hilton on Alumni Night and almost falling asleep. I don't really want that to be my lasting college memory, so I'll try to think about mustaches or Fun Day or themed birthday parties or dairy haus or Romas or something like that. Tell me if I'm missing something I should think about as long as it's not that dodgeball night where I wore those gold leggings because I never really want to remember that. Moorebid? I'd rather not think about those either. X, do any of you read this? For the record, nothing happened. That joke will one day not be funny, I guarantee it.
LOVE,
Claire
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Ayo, Technology.
First Keith, and now 50 Cent? Something must be up.
It's uncharacteristic for me to post two days in a row, but, again, it just feels right.
Today was a funny day--I felt kind of weird all day and then we went to a Cardio Sculpt class at the Y which was just phenomenally difficult, and then I got home and was so tired and something great happened: I got mail. Not only did my New Yorker arrive, but I got my first Mississippi mail from Skidmore (yes, I'll be at Celebration weekend. DUH), AND a wonderful Vineyard postcard from soon-to-be city girl my most darling Emily. And the night just got better, thanks to my good friend technology. I had a splendid conversation with Miss Emily before making a great dinner. I took a picture of my great dinner because it was made in a fantastic pot that I was lucky enough to get for graduation, and I sent that picture along to the "presenter of the pot." And just when you're thinking "I love technology," a la Napoleon Dynamite which I first watched at 719 Hazelhurst, it only gets better.
As usual I chatted with Sara and Michael and Raina and Melissa and the rest of the regulars on the facebook chat, and then I remembered Skype, which I have only used extensively when Julia was abroad, and otherwise I just forget about it. So I opened skype, my new gateway to the world, and giddily (is that a word?) rang Raina, and there she was--my darling rainabow--right in front of me on my computer, sitting in her bed, the glare of her tv ever-so visible. I almost cried (not surprising) as we promised to say goodnight to each other "in person" more often.
I thought I couldn't be happier, but then Michael indugled me in a 42 second Skype call, which was typical, wonderful, and just simply nice. Then he had to take a walk, though I'm only now realizing how semi-suspicious that sounds.
Now I'm writing this, gmail just notified me that Sara Riker wrote on my wall, and I can go to sleep smiling, thinking about how it is almost NST, and thanking technology from the bottom of my heart for making my favorite people that much closer.
That doesn't take you off the hook for visiting though, okay?
Love,
Claire
It's uncharacteristic for me to post two days in a row, but, again, it just feels right.
Today was a funny day--I felt kind of weird all day and then we went to a Cardio Sculpt class at the Y which was just phenomenally difficult, and then I got home and was so tired and something great happened: I got mail. Not only did my New Yorker arrive, but I got my first Mississippi mail from Skidmore (yes, I'll be at Celebration weekend. DUH), AND a wonderful Vineyard postcard from soon-to-be city girl my most darling Emily. And the night just got better, thanks to my good friend technology. I had a splendid conversation with Miss Emily before making a great dinner. I took a picture of my great dinner because it was made in a fantastic pot that I was lucky enough to get for graduation, and I sent that picture along to the "presenter of the pot." And just when you're thinking "I love technology," a la Napoleon Dynamite which I first watched at 719 Hazelhurst, it only gets better.
As usual I chatted with Sara and Michael and Raina and Melissa and the rest of the regulars on the facebook chat, and then I remembered Skype, which I have only used extensively when Julia was abroad, and otherwise I just forget about it. So I opened skype, my new gateway to the world, and giddily (is that a word?) rang Raina, and there she was--my darling rainabow--right in front of me on my computer, sitting in her bed, the glare of her tv ever-so visible. I almost cried (not surprising) as we promised to say goodnight to each other "in person" more often.
I thought I couldn't be happier, but then Michael indugled me in a 42 second Skype call, which was typical, wonderful, and just simply nice. Then he had to take a walk, though I'm only now realizing how semi-suspicious that sounds.
Now I'm writing this, gmail just notified me that Sara Riker wrote on my wall, and I can go to sleep smiling, thinking about how it is almost NST, and thanking technology from the bottom of my heart for making my favorite people that much closer.
That doesn't take you off the hook for visiting though, okay?
Love,
Claire
Monday, July 5, 2010
For Keith (I can't believe that is my blog title).
A few weeks ago (on his birthday, in fact), Keith told me that I needed to "simplify, simplify, simplify," though he didn't exactly quote Thoreau verbatim. He suggested that perhaps my posts were too long, too much for my devoted readers (...I don't really think I have any of those...). So because I am tired, and because so many things have happened in the last few weeks and I'm not sure I can put them into words at this exact moment when I really just feel like writing, this blog entry will appease Keith. Something that we all aspire to do in our lives, even though it's not very hard. I can't believe I just wrote an almost full paragraph about Keith. Sara, are you laughing? Someone? I hope someone is laughing.
A series of haiku in preparation for presenting prose.
1) "If music is good,
color is not a border,"
proclaims B.B. King.
2) smores, fire pit, friends,
country on the radio-
baseball. USA.
3) Prestwick Chase playlist
getting a lot of mileage
missing the singers (and storytellers).
4) fireworks, balloons
"my favorite food is friend food,"
the little girl laughed.
5) did you fight the fight?
activists in line for lunch
presence of the past.
6) this is not textbook
Mississippi. It's a place
still processing. Pause.
7) holding Sara's hand
America, a question:
who is Ali's man?
8) Sometimes I feel far
from you, my collective pasts.
But it will be fine.
9) Thank you for asking,
Alice is adjusting fine.
She likes the weather.
10) As I Lay Dying
waiting patiently, hoping
I will pick it up.
11) (Faulkner, forgive me
my beginnings and endings
interrupt yours).
12) Oh, also ps-
last week we had our conference.
it was exhausting...
12.5) ...it was exhausting,
but also wonderful. Dad,
communities.
12.75) That was a bad one,
Sorry, Keith. The conference can't
become a haiku.
Love for now and for always,
Claire
A painting I missed / The second visit was great / Artist: Carroll Cloar. (Most "Claireously known" / like famous, but almost there / as "the painting that (hangs in the livingroom of my grandparents).
Helena was everywhere.
Hey, B.B. Wise Words.
B.B. Enough Said.
Many more are on facebook. Many more of any and all of the above. You should look at them, they are sort of great. Sara and Michelle are excellent documenting partners.
Fireworks over the ballpark. The. End.
A series of haiku in preparation for presenting prose.
1) "If music is good,
color is not a border,"
proclaims B.B. King.
2) smores, fire pit, friends,
country on the radio-
baseball. USA.
3) Prestwick Chase playlist
getting a lot of mileage
missing the singers (and storytellers).
4) fireworks, balloons
"my favorite food is friend food,"
the little girl laughed.
5) did you fight the fight?
activists in line for lunch
presence of the past.
6) this is not textbook
Mississippi. It's a place
still processing. Pause.
7) holding Sara's hand
America, a question:
who is Ali's man?
8) Sometimes I feel far
from you, my collective pasts.
But it will be fine.
9) Thank you for asking,
Alice is adjusting fine.
She likes the weather.
10) As I Lay Dying
waiting patiently, hoping
I will pick it up.
11) (Faulkner, forgive me
my beginnings and endings
interrupt yours).
12) Oh, also ps-
last week we had our conference.
it was exhausting...
12.5) ...it was exhausting,
but also wonderful. Dad,
communities.
12.75) That was a bad one,
Sorry, Keith. The conference can't
become a haiku.
Love for now and for always,
Claire
A painting I missed / The second visit was great / Artist: Carroll Cloar. (Most "Claireously known" / like famous, but almost there / as "the painting that (hangs in the livingroom of my grandparents).
Helena was everywhere.
Hey, B.B. Wise Words.
B.B. Enough Said.
Many more are on facebook. Many more of any and all of the above. You should look at them, they are sort of great. Sara and Michelle are excellent documenting partners.
Fireworks over the ballpark. The. End.
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